Motivation is Fickle
Stability is a very subtle Garden of Eden.
This is sort of a spiritual successor to my 5 Year Plans Are Frustrating. As I continue to try to sort out my own long-term goals, the themes of planning, decision-making, and drive are probably going to keep popping up. For anyone who wants to avoid the drama, I’m going to tag these posts as “Indecision: 2024”.1
When I was in high school, I really hated getting up and getting ready. Some days, I would hear that damn marimba alarm come from my phone and stare up at the ceiling, trying to calculate whether I could afford to miss whatever was supposed to happen that day. Unfortunately, I somehow always ended up on that bus - I lacked Ferris Bueller’s determination.
To be clear, I wasn’t depressed. School wasn’t bad, either; I got good grades and liked my classmates. But it was such a grind. High schoolers are just so damn busy when you think about it. School five days a week, running six days a week, and then homework in between? The 5:45 am start was icing on the cake. The struggle to wake up was Sisyphean, knowing that I was doomed to the same wretched alarm the following morning.
e I got to UNC, I saw that things didn’t need to be so bleak. Sure, I got stuck in some 8 AMs and took a nap or two2 in class, but I was excited for each day.3 Obviously, it’s a bit hard to set a standard of “have as much fun as I did in college” for the rest of my life, but I’ve been fortunate enough to have landed somewhere in a happy medium.
At Mytide, I will not pretend for a second that every day was fun. Lots of days were absolutely brutal.4 But with the exception of a few especially unfortunate weekends, I always felt motivated to get up and go. I liked most of my coworkers, took pride in the work I did, and, most important, things were interesting! There were always new things to learn and ways to optimize, and I had the autonomy and trust to get creative.
I completely understand that some people just want to get through the day, but I’d be miserable as another cog in the machine. Nothing scares me more than ending up in a career where I dread my alarm.
I think that this is part of the reason why I’m struggling to picture the future. When things are pretty good as they are, it’s hard to find the motivation to change, even if I know they’ll likely only get better.
Inspired by Jon Stewart’s segment of the same name.
Or ten.
Except for the occasional hangover.
I’m sure I’ll detail them at some point.
Motivation is fickle; resolve is stable.